Your bones are no longer fragile and weak; made of glass and sorrow
Your skin is no longer scarred and breaking; made of paper and insecurity
Your face no longer cringes at the scars that line your inner thighs,
Or when you look into the mirror and your hips appear too wide.
So this is me, apologizing for the pain I’ve inflicted on you.
For my own sadness and despair, none of it was true.
I’m sorry for chewing the skin around my nails,
A nervous habit I could never break.
And I’m sorry for creating unneeded scars when my heart was first broken.
I know now, I did not hate you because my thighs touched
Or for the tiny pocket of fat that lined my lower stomach.
I hate myself for bringing you down to your knees and lining the toilet bowl
With my own self-disgust. I tried to purge all I was out of you.
I gave you no peace, no serenity, no time to rest.
I kept you moving and hating and waiting for me to get my shit together and stop;
Stop tearing you apart for all that you were.
I’m sorry I swallowed those pills, and that I ever wanted to rip you open
With the shards of glass that lay around me and my mind.
I’m sorry you were stuck with a soul.
Who did not appreciate you for years and years.
But I will make it up to you, my friend.
The hatred I had towards you came from a deep place inside,
A place I myself still fail to understand even now, why it is so lost, so broken,
So utterly alone.
But please never change, I love you for who you are, and what you appear to be.
No more do I need to destroy you, for a peace of mind I will never receive.
Me and You, Body, we are
And we will fight to stay alive.