Dear Katie and Kathy,

I have a problem with my parents. They constantly worry that I’m either on drugs, getting drunk, or doing something equally as terrible. They’ll smell me or check my eyes to see if I’m high. When I’m on the phone with my mom, she’s always asking if I’m drunk no matter what time of day she’s calling. I’ve told them several times that I’m not doing any of these things, but they won’t stop. I know they’re doing it because they care, but it’s getting really aggravating. What should I do?

-Anon

Dear Anon,

Having parents like that can be tricky to deal with. You could try having an open conversation with your mom. Let her know  that she’s putting too much pressure on you. Explain she’s pushing you away and straining the relationship between you two with her distrust. Sometimes parents aren’t aware of what they’re doing, and in order for them to stop, they need to be told. They’re still learning, and need their kids to help teach them. Make sure you’re calm, and explain your position without getting angry.

You also might have to give your parents a little leeway! They only want what’s best for you, and they just want to make sure you’re okay. You might have to put up with the behavior until you move out. You could try compromising; tell your parents that you’ll call at a specific time when you’re out so they know you’re okay. In exchange, they could agree to lessen their paranoia. However, remember you’re under their roof and they make the rules.

Sometimes, parents don’t know when to persist to make sure you’re “okay.” Their constant hovering could be their way of trying to make sure you’re happy. If you want alone time, explain calmly that you need alone time, and that you’ll discuss your problems at a different period of time.

Luck always,

Katie and Kathy

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