Pentucket Hair Team 2016


The ‘96 Bulls, 86’ Celtics, the Dream Team, early 2000s Patriots… and now the 2016 Pentucket Hair Team.


To be on the Pentucket Hair Team is more than just having long hair. Much more. It takes effort, not just a couple months to let it grow and you’re done. No way. Blood, sweat, and shampoo. This team is a full blown commitment. General Manager of the Pentucket Hair Team, Jon Holewinski, knows great hair when he sees it and he knows how to use his players. This guy is a downright genius and a real handsome devil too.


Yes that’s right folks, legendary Pentucket Hair Team general manager, Jon Holewinski, is back with another star studded hair team.


Coached by long time hair team veteran, “Richard Roback” who still has some of the best hair out there with some great flow and a bald spot shinier than most of these guys’s futures. the Pentucket Hair Team is what one would call a “Dynasty” with one of it’s best teams of all time coming in the 2014-15 season which had more lettuce than a vegan’s diet featuring stars like Bobby Barry, Ben Klosowski, Brayden Carney, and even rookie Jon Parsons who was sporting a bodacious mullet freshmen year. Just pure talent through and through. “Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it” said General Manager, Jon Holewinski


The thing about this 2016 roster, it’s not just a 1 way ticket to flow city. No sir. This is a diverse lineup covering everything from faux hawks to afros. Keep an eye for these group of guys, they’re bringing everything they’ve got with a more underdog status then past years.


It’s clear that the legendary 2014 team is in the past with only one returning member (Andrew Greenbaum) from that historic season being on the 2016 team.


Veteran Greenbaum is really going to have to step it up this year and show some of these youngsters how to really tend to the heavenly flow that they have been blessed with.


Speaking of youngsters, sophomore Liam McDonagh signed a long term deal with for having one of the most exceptional beards in the league. “This kid’s going places” said Holewinski


One of the team’s biggest stars, Josef Allen, is out for the season after a brutal injury. The poor guy went and got a haircut. Really hate to see that happen and it’s sad that injuries like this are part of the game.


As stated before, this is not the 2014 dream team, but there are some major superstars on this team including “Best Hair Superlative” winner, “Noah Malhi. Malhi has the most versatile skill set on the team with a huge arsenal of styles including afro, cornrows, and a mean jheri curl.


Another starter on the Hair Team is Sam Coppola. Now does this Coppola kid have shoulder length lettuce? Does he use ranch dressing in the shower? No. Is he one of the most talented athletes on this team? 100% yes. Sam’s “short all around with a little juice on top” may not be the flashiest cut in the game but it is always in pristine condition and always an eye catcher. The game is evolving, times are changing. Just look at the NFL or the NBA how often do you see quarterbacks like Cam Newton leading the team in rushing yards or guys like Steph Curry just shooting the ball wherever he likes completely disregarding any defender and cashing it in everytime. You don’t. Because they’re not common. Sam Coppola is a rare breed and is not to be slept on.


When mustache specialist Jackson McKean was asked how it felt to be a part of this great team, all he had to say was, “It feels super phenomenal.”


Holewinski says he sees a lot of potential and spunk in these guys hairdos and is eager for the season to start. Make sure to follow the Pentucket Hair Team as they hopefully dominate the league as usual. Also make sure to keep an eye on ESPN’s top 10 plays because it won’t be rare to see one of the boys highlights of them rippin’ a nice comb through those luscious locks.



Starting Lineup                                Bench                                                Coach

Andrew Greenbaum                         Josef Allen                            Richard Roback

Noah Malhi                                       Travis Bounsy
Sam Coppola                                    Chris Muollo
Tucker Dumas                                  Nate McCarthy

Liam McDonagh                            Kenny Niven

Zach Proctor

Connor Haberland

Jackson McKean