Sock-Sleeper Rights


Freaks, misfits, undesirables, pathetic excuses as human beings. This is not how people should be treating people.


Sleeping with socks on is nothing to be ashamed of! For centuries it has been frowned upon by society to sleep with socks on. It is time to put these entitled bare-foot sleepers to rest.


After interviewing multiple people about their sock and slumber combination, most responses were littered with dirty looks and profanity towards the idea of someone sleeping with a sweet pair of stockings.


On the other foot, the people who were confident enough to reveal that they do, in fact, wear socks when they sleep were nothing but pleasant. Local pair of twins Leah and Julia Wyner enthusiastically replied with, “yes!” when asked the big question. It was poetry in motion.


Another anomaly discovered in the Sock-Sleeping community was that Brennan McGuirk along with his sister, Annabelle, both sleep with socks on. Sleeping with socks on seems to be a family affair. “It’s riveting and I get a good sweat,” stated Brennan.


Looks like the Wyners and McGuirks are just on a higher tolerance level than some of these weak minded hateful people that are still around today. It truly is a shame.


As someone who is an outed sock-sleeper I will fight until the day I die for anyone who is self conscious about one of the most comforting experiences of a person’s life. Here’s the lowdown. Hop in bed, lift those tree trunks up, bring those puppies down nice and steady so that your feet are resting on the blanket nestled in there like a litter of puppies. Boom. The socks and the blanket will do the rest. Friction City, the greatest place on Earth. Out like a light, goodnight world, I’ll see you in the morning.


The Sock-Sleeping community has been putting up with this intolerance for far too long, and we are putting our foot down. We do not want any trouble. Only acceptance.


The year is 2016. Why is there so much hate, towards something so little and meaningless to someone’s life. They’re just a pair of socks people. Let people be just that, people!