Fat People’s Guide to Getting Un-Fat:

1. Schedule a surgical procedure
   • Liposuction
   • Gastric Bypass
   • Gastric Banding
   • Sleeve Gastronomy
2. Get a prescription for dieting pills
   • Orlistat
   • Belviq
   • Contrave
   • Saxenda
   • Phentermine
   • Qsymia
3. Eat a tapeworm (http://wormtherapy.com/index.html)
   • Dipylidium Caninum
   • Echinococcus Granulosus
   • Diphyllobothrium latum

4. Just kidding you’re gonna stay fat forever

This week’s greatest hits in annoying things skinny people say:

• “You’re not fat you’re just confused”
• “It’s just a phase”

• “It’s Adam and Eve not chicken and french fries”

Next on the menu:

Fat Probs

• Buying clothes
  They NEVER have our size
• Food excitement
  Some people get excited over puppies, we get excited over food
• Bleachers/Auditoriums
  When we get up to buy food and then we have to squeeze back through the rows of people into our seats

• “CHAFING THIGHS ARE A DISASTER”
• “Not being able to borrow clothes from people”

• “Ordering a four course meal while your friends are all eating salad”

This week’s inspirational quote:

“For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza!”

-Jay Leno

Fat? Got a problem? Submit your fat probs for future installments here: http://goo.gl/forms/s9eqIlquHn