What is self-sabotage? By definition, self-sabotage is behavior or thoughts, especially of an involuntary or unconscious nature, that are harmful to one’s own interests or developments. People don’t self-sabotage on purpose; it affects them, but it isn’t something that they necessarily want, at least knowingly, to happen. Their intrusive thoughts can massively change the way that they act and react, often undermining their goals, successes, and overall well-being.  

Self-sabotage is far more common than many people tend to think. Minor studies on self-sabotage have been conducted, and the results are seemingly unusual. It appears that about 70% of adults self-sabotage themselves in one way or another.

Methods can include impulsive substance abuse, negative self-talk, over-commitment, and the simple yet potentially disastrous actions that people take when they feel insecure about themselves or their life. They often blame other people for their issues, instead of realizing that they are holding themselves back. 

These tendencies often stem from problems as far back as young childhood. People with neglectful parents are much more likely to self-sabotage, as they typically develop difficulties regarding self-esteem. People with low self- esteem are much more likely to self-sabotage than those who are confident and feel secure in themselves. 

Sabotaging oneself is sadly seen as a coping mechanism for many. They don’t do it because they really want to set themselves back, but they feel like by sabotaging themselves, they can move on or take a step back from a stressful situation. However, this type of thinking usually results in much more stress and anxiety than was initially felt. 

One place where self-sabotage is inevitably common is in the workplace. For example, an employee misses the due date for a huge report. This report has an effect on upcoming shifts within the company, and by not turning it in, they lose their chance to move up in the ranks.

On the surface, it looks like they had a random moment of laziness, but if examined closely, this event is classic self-sabotage. The employee likely didn’t turn in the paper because they were scared of failure. What if their boss hated it and they didn’t move up in the company? By not turning in the report, it is impossible for the employee’s boss to dislike it. In their eyes, not failing and not growing is better than failing and further lessening their self-esteem. They don’t even allow themselves to take the chance for success, simply because they are too scared of what might happen if they don’t perform the way they wanted to. 

Self-sabotage is also incredibly common in relationships. If someone has issues with low self-esteem, and thinks lowly of themselves, they will inevitably become uncomfortable when they are in a good, stable relationship. They tend to behave in ways that are a reflection of their own self-doubt. 

For example, a woman is in a healthy relationship, but her ex broke up with her because he thought she was boring and a complete waste of time. Her new partner is kind and supportive, yet she cheats on him. She doesn’t cheat because she hates her new partner, she cheats because she hates herself, and she is reaffirming the version of herself that her ex created. The self-doubt and self-loathing that her ex thrust upon her is inevitably changing the course of her actions, even after they have broken up. She was uncomfortable in her healthy relationship because she spent a lot of time with someone who didn’t value her and made her think lowly of herself. 

How can we combat self-sabotage? Well, we can, as a society, try to be more understanding and empathetic. It is hard to understand why someone is doing the things they do, especially if they are out of the ordinary. Simply giving someone the chance to explain themselves can do much more than making preliminary judgments about the person that they are. Internally, we can talk more positively to ourselves and give ourselves room to grow and improve. People often think too far ahead, or behind, and they limit themselves to what other people tell them they will amount to. The person that you are is entirely up to you, and letting other people’s judgments lead you to sabotage yourself is a grave mistake.